In-person anxiety therapy Spalding, Lincolnshire & online anxiety therapist worldwide
Anxiety is exhausting, isn't it?
There you are, stabbing at your mindfulness app and wondering why these fancy breathing exercises aren't doing anything.
And don't even get me started on that online hypnotherapist who had you counting backwards while thinking of butterflies, or whatever nonsense that was.
Oh, you felt better for a bit, did you? Brilliant! For what... a whole 48 hours before your old mate anxiety came crawling back like a persistent ex? How's that working out for you?
So now you're lying awake at 3 AM, staring at the ceiling like it's going to give you the secrets of the universe, or finding yourself with your heart hammering away like you're running a marathon while actually just trying to buy milk at Sainsbury's.
Your legs have turned to jelly, and you're about as useful as a chocolate teapot.
Why Most Anxiety Therapy In Spalding (And everywhere else) Fails:
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Solution focused therapy: Like putting a plaster on a broken leg while ignoring the knife still stuck in it
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Mindfulness apps: Perfect for when you enjoy counting breaths during a panic attack in Sainsbury's
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Positive thinking: About as useful as a paper umbrella in a hurricane.
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Traditional hypnotherapy: Great if you fancy a nice nap while your problems throw a party
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"Just relax": If this worked, none of us would be here, would we?
Your anxiety's made itself quite at home, hasn't it? Sitting there in your life like an unwanted houseguest, mucking up your job, your relationships, and that tiny bit of peace you're desperately trying to hold onto.
And here you are, "managing" it like you're some sort of "anxiety butler".
How's that going for you, by the way?
Why Trust Me With Your Head?
Rewind a few years and you'll see me, clutching my shiny new hypnotherapy certificate like it was the golden ticket to Willy Wonka's factory.
Oh, how I thought I'd cracked it! Just pop my anxious clients into a lovely trance, read them a nice solution focused hypnotherapy style story about their "happy place," and boom - anxiety gone forever!
Bloody hell, was I in for a surprise! Turns out waving my metaphorical magic wand and telling people to "relax" is about as effective as trying to stop a tsunami with a paper umbrella. Who knew?
That's when I became determined to become a proper anxiety specialist.
Who Is This Actually For?
Perfect for you if:
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You're a professional looking for professional anxiety help who's thoroughly done with 3AM overthinking sessions
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Your brain's running more contingency plans than NASA
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You're tired of being told to "just breathe" by people who think anxiety is just being a bit worried
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You've got enough scented candles and crystals to open a New Age shop
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You're smart enough to know that positive affirmations won't fix structural life problems
Not for you if:
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You're looking for someone to pat your head and tell you everything' s fine
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You want to spend six months talking about your childhood
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You're hoping for a magic wand solution
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Someone else is making you come to therapy
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You think therapy should feel like a spa day
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You're collecting therapists like Pokemon cards
How I Actually Help (No chakra alignment required)
Think of it as therapy with a backbone - and a sense of humour.
Warning: May cause unexpected emotional shifts and actual lasting change. Not recommended for those attached to their comfort blanket of anxiety.
EMDR's cooler cousin. Looks ridiculous, works brilliantly. Perfect for when your traumatic memories need a gentle shape up.
Like reorganising your mental sock drawer, if you will.
Tired of friends who respond to every problem with "Have you tried yoga?" or "Mercury must be in retrograde!"? Sometimes you just need someone who'll listen without trying to fix you with essential oils or talking about their own issues all the time.
The Immediate Benefits (Because who has time to wait?)
What you get from Day One:
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Permission to bin your mindfulness app (finally!)
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A therapist who won't suggest essential oils for your existential crisis
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Actual strategies what work in real life (not just in a therapy room)
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Someone who understands that anxiety isn't fixed by scented candles
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Solutions that don't involve downloading yet another app
Plus.you'll get to skip the whole "let's spend six months talking about your childhood while I nod sympathetically" phase.
We've got better things to do with your time and money, haven't we?
Ready To Feel Better? Here's The Deal
Let's start with a free 15-minute chat - no pressure, no tissues, no life story required. Just a straightforward conversation about whether we're a good fit. If we click, fantastic! If not, no harm done - you can go back to your mindfulness apps.
Then, if we both think we'll work well together:
Two sessions to start, £99 each, lasting longer than your average therapy session because we're actually going to get something done. Might be all you need, might not - we'll see how we go.
Available in-person in Spalding, Lincolnshire, or online via Zoom for UK and international clients (as long as you speak English and have decent internet - I'm good, but I'm not a miracle worker).
Online Therapy Note:
Think online therapy won't work? It's actually brilliant because:
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No parking nightmares (or panic attacks about parking nightmares)
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Therapy in your slippers (I'm not judging)
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Access to expert Lincolnshire anxiety therapy from anywhere in the world
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Your own coffee, your own sofa, your own space
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No awkward post-session encounters in Sainsbury's
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Technical issues? Less stressful than driving in Spalding
Plus, you get to skip the whole "sitting in a waiting room trying not to make eye contact with other people" awkwardness.
Let's Beat Anxiety Together
What Real Humans Say (No, really, these aren't made up)
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"Some of the things I worried about don't even cross my mind any more. Whatever you got me to do has had a huge impact in a such a short amount of time. I cannot thank you enough." - Professional who stopped professional worrying
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"I'm still feeling relaxed and on the way home I drove with the top down on my car which I wouldn't normally do until the summer. I feel so invigorated." - Someone who finally did something different
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"For the first time in I can't remember how long my head is quiet, and by this I mean when you're standing next to a busy road and all you can hear is noise... that's my head, every single day, and today... nothing. It's so peaceful and calm." - From an actual client who found their Off switch
In The Media (Sometimes I put on my professional hat)
When journalists need someone to explain why humans are weird, they occasionally let this anxiety specialist loose in the media. This has led to:
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The Daily Telegraph asked me to talk about motivation (challenge accepted)
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Newsweek featuring me twice (apparently once just wasn't enough)
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Stylist magazine talking about sleep (not putting people to sleep!)
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The 'I' newspaper letting me talk about property anxiety (yes, it's a real thing)
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BBC Radio Lincolnshire trusting me not to swear on live radio (succeeded!)
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The Daily Mail article that made my mum choke on her tea (sorry about that one, Mum)
Still Reading? You Might Just Be Ready
Right then. You've read this far, which means either:
a) You're procrastinating (hello anxiety!)
b) Something here resonates
c) Both of the above
If it's b) or c), let's have a chat.
Here's what happens next:
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Book a free 15-minute chat (just to see if we chat - no life story required)
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If we both think we're a good match, you'll get a booking link
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We'll start with two sessions (this isn't optional - one session is like reading half a book)
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More sessions available if useful (but only if there's real value in it)
Let's Beat Anxiety Together
PS: Your comfort zone called. It misses you already. But it'll survive without you, I promise.
"No amount of anxiety makes any difference to anything that is going to happen."
- Alan Watts